the bad argument...

arguments with andy are very difficult moments for me. they cause me much anguish, hurt and pain. i never want to fight. i just want to raise a concern, but he never listens to me. somehow, things get distorted along the way, and it results into hurtful fighting. i am not saying he is solely at fault. we both have a part to play. i really need some help here, please!! the arguments all follow a similar trend, and here's one example:

how can a phone conversation turn awry? especially after a very nice fantastic holiday together less than a week ago? i admit that i had started it. so the fault is entirely mine. my intention was to let andy know how hurt i feel sometimes, and how i feel that im not being appreciated enough. i dont want to be treated for granted in a relationship. it has to be fair and mutual. i cannot just give and give all the time without getting what i need in return. there must be some kind of reciprocation, so that both will feel that they are being cared for and feel special in our hearts. i am not demanding for the stars or moon. i am not so unreasonable. i want to feel good that's all. but i guess the way i delivered my message was very wrong and perhaps offensive to the uninitiated..

there were a few times when andy would stay overnight at my place, and he would leave the first thing next morning, even though it's not a work day. why do you have to leave for home so early when you dont have to work? it's barely 30 mins since we woke up!

"i have a long tiring train trip back. please try to understand i need to be back to rest!"

oh ok... but you can rest the whole afternoon and evening, do you really have to leave while i am still halfway through my morning cereal at the table???

i find it a bit rude that he wants to leave first thing in the morning even when he has no appointments planned. can you please put yourself in my scenario and consider how you would feel if your date/bf decides to bolt off while you are still dressing up from bed?

i have voiced my displeasure in the past before, but he still insisted in his own ways. no spare thoughts for my feelings at all.

can we try to come to a compromise please? "no. i need to get back home asap."

and that was on sunday morning...

ok.. i feel that you are treating my place like a hotel, you leave whenever you feel like!

opps.. that's when all hell broke loose. but it's too late to retract. as with previous arguments, andy is ultra sensitive to criticisms, and he got very defensive. come on, can he please try to understand the bigger picture that i am driving at? alas, it spiralled into chaos. how can i let my voice be heard without triggering such a response?

to be fair and objective, he does treat me well. perhaps in his own little ways. but these are my small little requests and my own small little needs. am i really that demanding?? i am just asking for consideration of my feelings. i just expect some form of compromise, some form of give and take, or taking the middle road, as i would never hesitate to do things that would please him. i think that will make the relationship much easier..

again, the disclaimer is that this is just from my perspective. he has a different version of course. hopefully there will be some reconcilliation from this blog, and not make things worse.