Being FINICKY

He said, why are you so finicky? that was said a long time back ago but it still rings in my head. we were at the cinema arguing over who should pay £1 when buying ice cream!!

maybe he was right to accuse me of being finicky recently. i had subconciously began to count the number of times when i have to cover expenses for the both of us, and counted the number of times when he would pay, and the number of times when the both of us actually offered to pay. since when had i become a little fussy green monster????

i guess things began brewing when i felt that i've been taken for granted, and there was no reciprocation. early on in the r/s, i would always offer to pay for most things (small amounts). since he comes over quite often, i had no qualms about buying breakfast, juice, snacks, ice creams, desserts, alcohol, wines etc etc for my flat. sometimes, when we were out, i would be spending more on drinks and cinema tickets. all these were alright, as they were small amounts anyway. sometimes i would buy him small gifts and little presents, a card, etc.

but after being together for so long, he has never offered to pay for things. sometimes, i find myself over spending for the both of us. as time goes by, i gradually found myself resenting this behaviour. it's not about the money per se, but it's about the idea of giving and sharing. i find that he has not done much in this aspect. but why should this be so?? he earns more than me and lives at home with his family where much is provided for. after so many months, i have not received a single gift or card from him, except for 2 bunches of flowers.

sometimes he was particular ungenerous... i was buying food for us in waitrose to bring back to cook. it was my turn to pay for that day's dinner, and he remarked that the cost was appropriate as it matched what he had paid the day before!! now i think that he was being finicky.. he had neglected to consider the bottles of wine which i had paid to go with the meals!! on another occasion, we went out for drinks in soho after a particularly nice meal. i didnt hold back on expenses, as i thought we were having a good time. i ended up spending £40 for drinks that evening, while he spent £24. but that was fine, since i offered to buy. the last straw happened in my flat. after going to the gym, we would always have a protein shake. both of us just bought a tub of protein each. i drank a serving from his tub, and the response from him was quick and furious. "Did i buy this tub of protein so that you can drink??" What???? Why did he say that? Before he had bought his tub of protein, we had finished 2 giant tubs of my own protein which i had brought all the way from singapore, and i would glady offer it to him without any questions asked.. i find it really unfair that i should be treated this way..

i find that the situation was unbalanced, and it came to a point where i felt that he is taking me for granted. that i am obliged to continue to provide things, and that he can just take take and take what he pleases. there is no thought from him to offer to contribute to expenses, or even to give some things back in return. in other words, there was no reciprocation.

maybe he has things too easy for him. he is well provided for at home. and quite often, his friends would buy him drinks and fancy dinners for free. but i believe that a r/s should be based on balanced principles, and i dont like to be take for granted... these feelings exploded during the argument.

i thought that he was the one being finicky, so how did i end up being the horrible green finicky monster myself??